Come. Let us reason together.The following takes place between 12a.m. and 2a.m at a date x in the year 2007...
The Mungiki Defense Council (MDC), the Kenyan Cabinet and ODM-Kenya’s consensus committee formerly known as the council of elders (plus a few of the party’s big wigs) met at an undisclosed venue to discuss the recent massacres and/or beheadings conducted by both sides on innocent victims.
MDC were accused by the cabinet of the recent spate of killings in and around the Central province and the illegal distribution of human body parts to various villages. They in turn argued that the government could be blamed for a similar thing. The police killed 21 people in one night. ODM’s Raila Odinga claimed that only two out of the 21 were Mungiki. When he was requested to provide proof he said that he would present the list soon to parliament. Our internal security minister, John Michuki proclaimed that if this was so then why had no one openly declared the innocence of any of the 21. William Ruto blamed the honorable minister of scaring the wits out of the Mathare people, where the massacre had taken place. He added that there is no person in their right mind who would like to be associated with the Mungiki in any way at this point in time lest either the police or the MDC puts his/her head on a platter.
Amid the smell of tobacco snuff and underwearless MDC, one of them protested that the government had previously promised them land just after winning the elections in 2002. Njenga Karume laughed and muttered that this never happened but now that the matter was being discussed it might as well be used for negotiation. Never mind his rumored relation to Ndura Waruinge and Maina Njenga who were both leaders of the dreaded sect. Hon. Fred Gumo shot back by asking why the Defense Minister was considering negotiations with savages who like walking commando style. He further added that they were probably skinning their victims and making underwears from them. One of the tobacco chewing MDC shouted that they only drank blood. His colleagues stared at him with some disgust plus a dose of utter astonishment. He had broken the oath of secrecy that had been taken by some Central Province leaders at a meeting at Village Inn just after the 2002 elections as alleged by a certain MP.
Hon Raila shifted his ‘Gor Mahia’ goal posts to attack the absence of President Kibaki at the meeting. He argued that this was tantamount to assuming that the Mungiki matter was not being taken seriously by the government. The only man in the Kibaki government, Minister Martha Karua, defended her boss by telling off the feigned concern from Raila. She said that the President did not have to be present to prove that the matter was of national importance. After this, she queried why the BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) had to interview a Mungiki spokesman when the government had adequate representatives to speak on the issue. Mutula Kilonzo quipped that they probably trust Mungiki rather than the legit Kenyan leadership judging from how the government had treated John Githongo, the man who ‘tried’ to uncover the several cover-ups of the Anglo-Leasing scandals.
The meeting ended abruptly when a new crisis arose. There had been a bomblast at close to Ambasedeur Hotel. The Mungiki were apparently to blame since almost all the suspects who were arrested were proclaimed to just have been plucked from the streets because of their Arabian look and wear!
NB: The above is a work of fiction any resemblance to true characters is VERY intended and NOT coincidental.
The Mungiki Defense Council (MDC), the Kenyan Cabinet and ODM-Kenya’s consensus committee formerly known as the council of elders (plus a few of the party’s big wigs) met at an undisclosed venue to discuss the recent massacres and/or beheadings conducted by both sides on innocent victims.
MDC were accused by the cabinet of the recent spate of killings in and around the Central province and the illegal distribution of human body parts to various villages. They in turn argued that the government could be blamed for a similar thing. The police killed 21 people in one night. ODM’s Raila Odinga claimed that only two out of the 21 were Mungiki. When he was requested to provide proof he said that he would present the list soon to parliament. Our internal security minister, John Michuki proclaimed that if this was so then why had no one openly declared the innocence of any of the 21. William Ruto blamed the honorable minister of scaring the wits out of the Mathare people, where the massacre had taken place. He added that there is no person in their right mind who would like to be associated with the Mungiki in any way at this point in time lest either the police or the MDC puts his/her head on a platter.
Amid the smell of tobacco snuff and underwearless MDC, one of them protested that the government had previously promised them land just after winning the elections in 2002. Njenga Karume laughed and muttered that this never happened but now that the matter was being discussed it might as well be used for negotiation. Never mind his rumored relation to Ndura Waruinge and Maina Njenga who were both leaders of the dreaded sect. Hon. Fred Gumo shot back by asking why the Defense Minister was considering negotiations with savages who like walking commando style. He further added that they were probably skinning their victims and making underwears from them. One of the tobacco chewing MDC shouted that they only drank blood. His colleagues stared at him with some disgust plus a dose of utter astonishment. He had broken the oath of secrecy that had been taken by some Central Province leaders at a meeting at Village Inn just after the 2002 elections as alleged by a certain MP.
Hon Raila shifted his ‘Gor Mahia’ goal posts to attack the absence of President Kibaki at the meeting. He argued that this was tantamount to assuming that the Mungiki matter was not being taken seriously by the government. The only man in the Kibaki government, Minister Martha Karua, defended her boss by telling off the feigned concern from Raila. She said that the President did not have to be present to prove that the matter was of national importance. After this, she queried why the BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) had to interview a Mungiki spokesman when the government had adequate representatives to speak on the issue. Mutula Kilonzo quipped that they probably trust Mungiki rather than the legit Kenyan leadership judging from how the government had treated John Githongo, the man who ‘tried’ to uncover the several cover-ups of the Anglo-Leasing scandals.
The meeting ended abruptly when a new crisis arose. There had been a bomblast at close to Ambasedeur Hotel. The Mungiki were apparently to blame since almost all the suspects who were arrested were proclaimed to just have been plucked from the streets because of their Arabian look and wear!
NB: The above is a work of fiction any resemblance to true characters is VERY intended and NOT coincidental.
BUDGET 2007/8
My cell phone was pick-pocketed (so I’m not connected) a while ago but I expected our Honorable Finance Minister Amos Kimunya to at least reduce tax on our ever competing mobile service providers, Safaricom and Celtel. Juzi my pal discovered the beauty of the M-Pesa money transfer service from Saf’com. He was at initially skeptical about using such a way of sending money but after following the instructions and confirming that the money had virtually moved from Nairobi to Kakamega in less than a few minutes he had one thing to say, ”Daddie, si hii kitu ni noma”. Safcom has now reduced all tariffs despite the government stand… Damn that thief!
The point is a cell phone is a core instrument in communication. In addition to the normal biz of talking, one can surf the net, share photos, shoot vidz and police can track down a thug! How could have the minister excused his mishap by claiming that the increased budget allocation for laying of fibre optic cable would eventually aid ICT. This is true but who is willing to wait for the years of tenders and procurements to implement this. Not me, when I watch the 2010 World Cup live in South Africa I might just extend my stay!
And since when was mineral water a luxury? I have seen friends nearly pass away from the degradable state of normal tap water (They allegedly use chalk instead of chlorine for purification!) Please give us a break Kimunyesnyes! Let us drink and stay healthy. Do not increase excise tax on this commodity… I guess that I am preaching to the choir.
Since the Women’s Fund is up and running, children also need a peek into the legal tender vaults?!
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Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Até mais.
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